when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
