My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
