Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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