don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
