I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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