No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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