omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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