Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
