great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
