I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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