you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize