You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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