i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
