a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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