Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
