The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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