i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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