**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
