well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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