So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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