I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
