I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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