i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
