I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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