1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
