im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
