the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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