oh god the rape fog is back!
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
