that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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