I faked an abortion last night.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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