My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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