the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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