Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
