She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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