This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
