Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Randomize
