My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
We need a shit load of segways right now
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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