Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
