im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
