Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
My liver just broke up with me...
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
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