she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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