saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
