and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize