She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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