Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
