found the other keg... it's in the tree
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
