I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
