Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
