I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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