I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
