Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
