i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
