C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
The uberlube is also flammable
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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