we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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