I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
