When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
