My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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