this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
