dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
