One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
