i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
