The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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