The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
