My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
