I got chris browned last night
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
