I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Randomize
