my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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