Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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