I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
