I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
