FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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