Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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