My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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