Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
