Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
