It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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