when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Too much gin, very little bucket
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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