the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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