you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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