how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
