He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
