I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize