I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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