I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize