honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Such a big mess for such a small penis
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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