Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Semen is not good for contacts.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
