Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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