Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
