apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
