whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
