Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
