ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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