just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
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