Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
