Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
