I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
you would pick up someone in the library
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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