how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
