okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
