Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
When are your genitals available?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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