What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
