If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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